


Everybody Wants To Be a Cat

by baconhorseicecream



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Actual Cat Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Autistic Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, I didn't mean to it just happened, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, autistic Gabriel Agrest, cause adults have autism too, no beta we die like men, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26936944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baconhorseicecream/pseuds/baconhorseicecream
Summary: Chat Noir puts in a lot of time and effort into convincing the media that he is actually a cat who was turned into a humanseason 1: the first school year, chapters 1-14?season 2: summer break, chapters tbdSeason 3: back to school, chapters tbd
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Plagg, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 118
Kudos: 412





	1. the best/worst advice

**Author's Note:**

> When I started my plot bunny for this Adrien was not autistic. Then as I was typing it happened. I'm not sorry. I'm just as confused.

While Adrien was a very naive and sheltered child that did not mean that he was stupid. He was perfectly aware that he was a naive and sheltered child. And even though he was new to this superhero business there were a few things that he knew for sure. He had even written them down in a list.  
1 He definitely didn't have the social skills needed to be a good hero. Ie. ordering his own drink at a cafe. (Plagg would later find his list and make fun of him for not knowing the difference between social skills and life skills, saying he had neither. Adrien just made a separate list for each.)  
2 He was either going to have to convince his dietician to increase his calorie intake or he was going to have to find a way to sneak in food  
3 Keeping his secret identity a secret was absolutely paramount  
4 #3 was going to be hard when his face was plastered across billboards all over Paris 

Adrien was only nominally concerned about food. If he could order a 100 box set of his favorite soujo manga and anime 3 times without being caught (it was an accident, he really only meant to buy one) then he was pretty sure that his purchases weren't being tracked at all. His top secret merch hoodie collection was even further proof of that. He started a new list titled ‘feed the stray’ and put ‘research easily hidden food’ at the top. He smiled as he crossed #2 off his original list, that was alway a good feeling. The rest of his list he wasn't so sure how to tackle.

“I don't really see what you're so concerned about,” was Plaggs very unconcerned response to his plea for advice. Plagg, Adiren had quickly discovered, was less of the benevolent and empathetic fairy type of familiar and more of the barely tolerant of humans and in-the-moment demon type. That was still ok since Adrien had watched an anime with one of those too and was sure that Plagg would pull through when he really needed him, but right now it was just an annoyance. Plagg continued, “it's not like anyone cares about what a cat does anyways cause cats don't care what anyone else does.”

“I’m not a cat though,” came Adrien’s confused reply. What kind of metaphor was that? That was supposed to be a metaphor right? And was the kwamii referring to hiding his identity or his inability to talk to people? Or just his hero identity? But that made even less sense.

Now if Plagg had known Adrien just a little longer, he might have recognized that the poor sunshine boy didn’t pick up sarcasm very well. He might have even shown just a little bit of real concern if he had realized just how sparse his chosen’s social and life skills actually were. If he had, then he would have known that what he said next was going to be taken very literally, and he might not have said it.

“Well you should be, that’ll solve all your problems.”

Who are we kidding, Plagg still would have said it. He just would have laughed more.

😺

“Bye bye little butterfly,” 

“Ladybug will you show me how to order from a cafe?” 

He could tell that Ladybug was confused. He recognized that look. It was the look people gave him when he had said or done something that was somehow wrong, but no one would ever explain why. Usually that look hurt. It hurt a lot. But this time around he was trying to be awkward on purpose, and instead of feeling hurt he felt a small rush of power. He had planned the entire scenario out. He had made a conversation tree. For once he was in control.

“Have… you never been… to a cafe before?” was his Lady’s quiet reply. There were still people nearby from watching the end of their latest akuma battle. Before the advice Plagg had given him, Adrien would have been too terrified of what people would say to ask something like this. Much less in front of an audience. But if he wanted to pull this off, he needed that audience. Especially that group of girls who had their phones out. 

“No,” he said rubbing the back of his neck, “I always have to wait in the car. I guess they’re afraid that I’m going to jump out and run away.” Chat smiled at his wording. He was brilliant. He was technically telling the truth, but it all just made him sound like a cat.

Ladybug was giving him a different face now. One that he didn’t recognize. “Do you try…” she stopped and her expression changed again. Was she upset? Chat was really going to need to get better at reading his partner. Then she smiled and asked “What do you want to eat?”

Chat grinned again. That question was on his conversation tree! “I only get to eat this organic diet stuff at home and I don’t get a lot of treats, so I actually don’t know what I like. I’ve never had pizza before though.” He hoped she would go for it. Pizza was not a food he could hide in his room. He had already checked.

“You can’t get pizza at a cafe chat.”

“You can’t?” he asked sadly. He could hear someone snickering behind him. No. this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be in control. But he didn’t know what to say next because he hadn’t predicted this. He started to panic.

“Non chaton, you get pizza at a restaurant, there’s a difference.”

“There is?” Someone snorted behind him and he flinched. How was he supposed to know something like that? This wasn’t going very well. It was getting harder to not panic. 

Ladybug glared at whoever was behind him until they stopped then looked at him with another smile. “Yes, but I only have time for a quick drink today so we’ll have to do pizza another time.”

“Wait, really?!” Later he would see one the videos from this and see that he was bouncing on his toes in excitement, his tail practically wagging like a puppy. “You can really teach me?!”

In response Ladybug grabbed his hand and started sprinting down the street, “I’ll even show you how to ask for extra cream silly kitty.”

Chat Noir laughed as they ran. He had done it! He had actually managed to get through the whole situation without having to run away or clam up into a shell. (he he, clam, shell) And even better, he could have someone show him how to do things without having to explain why he didn’t know. And getting time to spend with his Lady, well, being CHAT Noir was the best thing ever.


	2. Plagg is not the father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our cheese gremlin figures some things out. Adrien is awkward at school.

“Cheese! I need cheese in order to sustain my frail and delicate form.” The millennial old god of chaos and destruction flittered weakly on top of the stark white couch. Seriously who had a white couch? They weren’t even allowed to eat on it since the tiniest speck of dirt or grime stood out so badly, thus rendering it useless. Only the stupid rich actually owned a white couch and then gave it to a child.

“Plagg,” Adrien called from his new mini-fridge that he ordered on overnight shipping, “do you want any caviar on your camembert?” There was an entire stack of 5 star quality caviar in the fridge. Salmon roe could be seen behind it.

Oh, right.

“Do not sully the fermented glory of my precious cheese with your salty little fish eggs mortal.” Plagg scoffed, still keeping up the pretense of being too exhausted to move. Adrien just nodded and moved to put the caviar back, not even looking at the performance Plagg was putting on. He did wilt just a little bit though. “Hey wait,” he called out. “I’ll take some on a cracker though. Still got some of those sea salt ones?” The smile the child gave him could light up an entire room. 

Dammit Fu.

The kid served them both a plate at the coffee table (sitting on the floor in front of the couch of course). Plagg was mildly pleased. He got his own plate? Sweet! He watched in amusement as the child repeatedly folded and unfolded some piece of paper he found. No doubt he was waiting for the chance to brag about the stunt he just pulled.

Now Plagg was an incredibly old being. Old enough to have seen everything at least once. Including the many ways humans chose to explain the powers he gave them. Son of a fisherman who presented himself as a minor deity? He still remembered where the kids temple was. A young bride who used his miraculous to make herself seem possessed by demons in order to keep her unwanted husband off her. Plagg had fun with that one. A magic cat capable of taking human form? Not even the first time. So even though he couldn't say that he had seen this coming he also couldn't say that he was surprised. He was actually impressed with the kid. He hadn’t been too heavy handed about it but had implied just enough to guarantee that people paid attention. So yeah, that was well done. But he had a reputation as a heartless bastard to keep up.

“Only your second akuma and you've already gotten yourself a date! Movin’ fast I see.” He inhaled the sweet nectar scent of his camembert and waited for the kids reaction. This was seriously too much fun.

“Plagg!” Adrien shouted, jumping in place somehow, “I did it! I planned everything out and it actually went the way it was supposed to and phase one is complete and I didn't screw it up.” Goodness was the kid actually vibrating? He might be. Plagg had a suspicion that today was the first taste of caffeine Adrien had ever had. He sighed. Neither of them were going to sleep tonight it seemed. “... and that threw me off cause I didn't know that and so it wasn't part of my conversation tree but then Ladybug helped and it all worked out and I never knew that there were so many different kinds of drinks that you could get and that’s not even including the syrups and…”

Conversation tree? Huh. Another puzzle piece for Plagg to ponder. He didn’t say anything about it though. Let the kid ride out the high of his victory. He deserved it.

😼

The next morning came way too early for Adrien. As in he hadn’t even started to feel sleepy until about 2 in the morning. Which was probably mostly due to the caffeine but spending hours pouring over the comments section from the videos on the Ladyblog certainly hadn’t helped. (There was a second video from the café where he had cleaned his face like a cat.) Somewhere around 4:30 in the unholy morning the poor kid finally crashed. On his computer desk. His moans when the stone faced woman woke him only 2 hours later elicited exactly zero sympathy from the kwamii. Kid had to learn somehow.

“Think I can convince them to let me stop by a café on the way to school?” So maybe the child was young and would need some help to learn.

“Sure, but then you’d have to explain why you’re so tired,” Plagg nibbled his breakfast cheese. It had come with some bread but he had turned up his nose at it. It was coarse and dry and just weird. The child came from an obviously wealthy family but this was the state of their bread? Plagg also really hoped that Adrien’s lunch was larger than his breakfast. If not then he was going to have to apologize about the food list. Maybe. Probably. 

Adrien stared into empty space for a full two minutes, having completely forgotten that he had been brushing his teeth. He sputtered back to life enough to ask “Think my father will find out if I get an energy drink from a vending machine?”

Plagg, due to recent events, doubted that the kid knew how to use a vending machine, but let it slide. ”He will when you die in your afternoon classes,” Plagg glared at the child. He didn’t notice.

Adrien furrowed his eyebrows but the rest of his face didn’t change. “Why would I die?”

“Cause that’s when your crash will kick you in the pants and leave you in the dust.” As funny as that would be, school was especially important to this child so he deserved to know this. He high fived himself for being so nice.

The child’s expression still didn’t change but there was a new tenseness to his shoulders. “I still don’t understand what you mean Plagg.”

Years upon years of experience kept Plagg from looking confused or concerned in any way. Nonchalant was safer for now. He settled himself on the child's shoulder. “It means that in eight hours or so your caffeine high will be over and your body will be so tired that you’ll fall asleep in class.” he answered as straightforward as possible. He felt the shoulder beneath him relax.

“Oh. Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?”

“Meh. I like to mess with you kid.”

😼

Plagg heard more conversation stumbles like that throughout the week.

_“Man, I really had to bite my tongue when they said that.”_

_Did it bleed?”_

_“What?”_

_“When you bit your tongue. Did it bleed?”_

_“Nah, it’s just an expression Dude.”_

Tikki bless this Nino child. He was either very observant or very dense. He also exuded so many mom-friend vibes that Plagg had a bet with himself on how long it would take the darker boy to notice the size of Adrien’s meals. (Observing 3 meals, which hadn’t happened yet due to Gabriel’s insanely strict rules). 

After some thought Plagg decided to not count any conversations with the girl who smelled like bread and sugar. Apparently Adrien did though. “Plagg? Will you read this for me and tell me if it sounds normal?” The strange wording didn’t phase him by this point. He was curious though. Plagg read:

_Marinette_  
How are you today? Well I hope. I have noticed that sometimes you stutter and mix up your words when you are nervous. I know how that feels as I used to have trouble speaking normally as well. You do not need to feel embarrassed about it. I will simply wait for you to try again. Or if it is a really bad day you can write me a note and I will not mention that it is a bad day. I hope that this can help us become closer friends.  
Sincerely, Adrien Agrest 

Wow. The kid was even more awkward in writing. Good thing he had such a pretty face.

“Do you think it’s too short?” Adrien interrupted his thoughts. “Should I mention that I didn’t talk at all till I was four? Father says I shouldn't tell people that but I want Marinette to be my friend. And friends tell each other these sorts of things right?” The question at the end sounded nervous. He actually didn’t know.

“Depends. Do you want a girlfriend now or later?”

“Plagg!”

😼

Later when the kid was asleep Plagg hovered over the desk with an old look. There were several iterations of Adrien’s note to Pigtails. He had found some of his conversation trees and lists too. Including one titled ‘weird things to not do at school’. Plagg was positive by now. Adrien was a changeling child. (he should find out if there was a modern name for that)

Plagg was fine with that. Really he was. He had had to raise a changeling child before hundreds of years ago, and she had been an excellent Cat. That was way before the monks at the temple had started collecting the miraculous like a dragon hoard. No, the kitten wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he could see what the old man’s plan was.

Damn you to hell Fu.


	3. Soft kitty (boundaries pt1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On being pet and giving permission to pet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no consistent writing pattern, i also am not good at puns

Adrien stared at the food on his plate. It was all really good food (with the exception of his father’s organic stone ground paleo bread) that was well balanced for his diet. It was expertly prepared just for him and had been waiting on the gigantic dining room as soon as he came downstairs. It was also small.

When Adrien’s mother had disappeared all those months ago his appetite had disappeared with her. Day after day, week after week, he had stared at plates of food that were barely touched. He just didn’t feel like eating. What was the point? Even his favorite foods tasted like nothing, not even like ash, just nothing. Adrien had never noticed those plates getting smaller, he had noticed the multivitamins that were added to his morning routine though. Only now, all this time later, did he finally make that connection. Him picking at his food had not gone unnoticed.

Adrien looked at his plate again. Oh, he had finished. Well he wasn’t picking at his food now. In fact he was still hungry. Adrien looked around the room. Empty. The butler had already left, Nathatlie had joined his father in the antilear, and the chef had never left the kitchen in the first place. If he stopped to think about it he supposed he was grateful that no one had pressured him about eating when things had been so bleak, but… he was pretty hungry now.

Adrien had never been in the kitchen before. Had only met the chef a few times and didn’t even remember the man’s name. So there was no way that Adrien could go there to ask for more food. He wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to. He thought about Nathalie as he unscrewed his multivitamins. But Nathalie was…, really good at making him feel stupid. It wasn’t that she gave him the ‘look’ that other people did. Instead she was stony and silent, just waiting for him to catch up like he was slow or something. Somehow that was worse. And if he wanted to talk to his father he had to through Nathalie who would ask him why.

Fear of people thinking he was stupid again or going hungry.

His bodyguard stepped into the doorway and stood at attention. Maybe in a few days Adrien would have the courage to ask to stop by a cafe on the way to school.

🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐

“Hey Nino, think if we run we can grab something from a cafe before my driver gets here?” Adrien really hoped he would say yes. Part of him wanted to show off his newest life skill.

“No,” Nino started, but before Adrien had a chance to be disappointed he continued, “but we will have time if we just run over to Mari’s place instead.”

“Um,” was he being invited or were they inviting themselves over? He was vaguely aware that being too forward like that was rude. But as much as he trusted Nino and really wanted to be friends he was never going to admit that he had officially lost track of what was going on. “Sure thing.” he said instead with a smile. He added a thumbs up for good measure. He was the image of confidence.  
“So there was actually something that I needed to talk to you about,” said the darker boy once they were at the streetlight. 

Adrien was only sorta paying attention as he was busy trying to not look as though he had no idea where they were going. “Yeah? About what?”

“Do you know what kleptomania is?”

Adrien could practically hear the crunching glass of the car crash in his brain. The conversation had changed topics too quickly for him to both follow and pay attention to where he was going. “Hmmm,” was all he could muster. He wasn’t going to ask for clarity yet, but he would be working on minimum power until he caught up.

“It’s this psychology thing where someone compulsively steals stuff.” Nino either hadn’t noticed Adrien’s crisis or was blatantly ignoring it. “Like, they can’t really help it.” Nino had also stopped walking. Good, now Adrien could reply.

“Uhh, so… what about it?” was his eloquent reply. Pretty good for the middle of a reboot.

“Just that if you keep passing notes with Marinette you should know that she’s a kleptomaniac. People get all judgmental so she tries to hide it. Or maybe she’s embarrassed? Anyways. She always sneaks it back into your bag or something later and then pretends that nothing happened”

Well this sounded like it was important. He would have to think about it more later when he wasn’t trying to multitask. “Well, she’s still a friend right?”

Nino smiled. If there was anything soft or relieved about it Adrien didn’t notice. All smiles looked the same to him. “Man I knew you would understand.” Adrien did not, in fact, understand what had just happened. But he was soon distracted by the fact that one of his classmates lived in a bakery.

🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐

That evening Chat Noir and Ladybug went on a training run. (That’s what Ladybug called them. Chat wanted to call them patrols because that sounded more hero-like) He had gotten there early and was reviewing a list.

Things to say to convince people I am a cat  
Complain about dry food  
Puns  
Mention fur  
Not allowed in kitchen  
Vaccines  
Talk about my ‘humans’  
Puns  
Brag about opposable thumbs  
Buy more camembert

Wait. That wasn’t right. ‘Dammit Plagg, at least put it on the right list’, he thought. If you ignored the pile of rough drafts, Adrien liked to keep his lists very organized. It always made him uncomfortable when they got messed up. He started reaching for his pencil.

“Something wrong Kitty?”

Chat jumped, his notebook flying out of his hands. If he made a sound of surprise it was definitely deep and manly. He turned to his partner with warm cheeks. “Uh, Ladybug! Hi. I didn’t hear you.” She giggled. Crap she was cute. 

“Distracted much?” she asked. Before he could say something witty and charming he noticed that she was holding his flip book. How did she get that? Just then the roof that they were standing on started to shake. A moment later cutlery the size of skyscrapers shot into the sky somewhere towards the west, maybe three or so kilometers away. They stood there like a fence line.

“May I invite you to dinner My Lady? The table is all set.” he bowed and gestured towards the akuma. 

“I already ate, but a gelato sounds nice. I might need to go borrow a spoon.” She tossed him his mini notebook and swung off into the sunset.

Crap. She was amazing.  
🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨🍨 

It happened after they had cleansed the akuma. This particular street was lined with several restaurants and cafes that had been filled with patrons at the beginning of the attack. Now that things were set right again many had come hoping to grab a selfie with the parisian hero’s. When Ladybug asked him later he didn’t even remember anything specific about what happened. Only that he felt someone grab his tail.

His response was automatic. He had memorized the list his mother gave him a long time ago.

1\. Say something right away, it’s ok to be rude  
“Aaaahhh!!! Who touched my tail?”  
2\. Be loud, we need to be able to hear you  
“What the hell?!”  
3\. Keep talking until someone comes to help  
“I’m still learning about humans and even I know that butt and therefore tail touching is not allowed.”

A girl scoffed, she had very dark lipstick that emphasized the snarl on her face. “Stop over reacting so much. There’s no need to be a jerk about it.” She flipped her hair and started to walk away, only to be stopped by Ladybug in all her 5 foot nothing glory. (It made her stealthy in a crowd)

“Hey! You listen here and you listen good,” she jabbed the taller woman in the chest “Just because Chat Noir isn’t human doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have the right to have any boundaries. And he deserves to have those boundaries respected just like anyone else. Now turn around and apologize to my kitty!” The crowd went silent. You could hear a pin drop. Chat didn’t even care why they were having such a dramatic reaction to his Lady’s words, he was just glad that she had come to support him.

“Thank you Milady,” he sighed in relief. “I like being pet just as much as anyone else, but that doesn’t mean that I want every stranger I meet to rub their nasty hands all over my fur.” Everyone was staring at him now. Oh kwamii why were they staring so much? He started bouncing on his toes and rubbed the back of his neck. “You can pet me anytime though Ladybug, since you’re one of my humans.” The street was still silent. He was starting to sweat.

“Ahh, Kitty! Thank you.” said Ladybug with a blinding smile. A smile that quickly morphed as she turned back to lipstick woman, “Well?”

“I’m… sorry that I grabbed your tail... without permission.” she said quietly. Her snarl was gone. 

Adrien flashed his model smile and got to leave a minute later. As he ran across the rooftops he couldn’t help but think ‘I got two items off my list in five minutes. What a day!’


	4. Warm Kitty (boundaries part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you thought Adrien was unaffected by being kinda groped you thought wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was harder than I anticipated to write Adrien's autistic meltdown. from the mind of a child who doesn't understand it.
> 
> also; I can write episodes in whatever order I want. fight me

Adrien had what his father liked to call ‘an episode of emotion’ shortly after he got home that night. He could feel it coming while everything had been going down but he had been able to power through it since he had a list that he knew so well to work from. He could focus on keeping himself in control instead of what was going on or what he should do, that’s what having a list was for. It helped, it really did. But he couldn’t put off the emotional fallout forever.

He didn’t start to cry the moment he landed in his room. He wasn’t that kind of upset. His mind, thoughts, and emotions were both a whirlwind and standing at a standstill. Everything coming at him all at once like being dropped in a raging river and he couldn’t help but be swept along. Instead he spent several minutes checking and double checking his surroundings. It always took a bit for his brain to catch up with what his body did when he got like this.

“Adrien,” came Plagg’s soft voice. He was hovering by Adrien’s weighted minky blanket that was draped over the couch, one corner held in his paws. Adrien instantly accepted that his kwamii knew what the blanket was for and what Adrien needed. He had decided early on to trust him 100%. He didn’t really know any other way how to trust.

“Thanks,” he managed to mumble, not looking at Plagg directly. Already he was kicking off his shoes and running his wrists over his face. Whenever he got like this he used to use his hands and fingers but that causes acne so… A small part of his mind was grateful that he was made to change that, since there were videos of Chat Noir 'grooming himself’.

As he settled on his library balcony he shucked off his shirts so that he could feel as much of the blanket as possible. Soft and heavy against his skin. Very very soft. Warm but not too hot. His room was kept slightly on the colder side just for times like this when he needed this blanket. Otherwise wrapping himself up like this would be way too hot.

Guiltily, Adrien was angry at himself for freaking out. Even now one half of his mind felt like it could hold its own conversation with itself while the other half of his mind delt with all the emotional impact of what had happened all at once. He just couldn’t deal with it at the time like a normal person. Of course not. Instead he had to exist in some limbo state until he could fall apart in private.

Adrien's last thought before he slipped inside himself, to that place in head that was not quite meditation, but not quite conscious either, was gratitude that Ladybug hadn’t seen him have an episode.

😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿😿

Marinette was worried about Chat Noir.

“...difference between a familiar and a sidekick. And if so, did Ladybug get to pick her own or did some else…”

Alya had just shown her the shaky video of the altercation after they fought Cute-leery. The irony of the akuma being a waitress who was being sexually harassed by customers had not been lost on the internet. But that wasn’t the part that Alya had been focusing on.

“...Even more obvious with the way he calls her M’lady and she just, like, accepts that as her title? But wouldn’t let any reporters call her that. Gah! It’s all so cute!”

As glad as she was that she could help support her partner, and as touched as she was that the internet voices were supporting them as well, there was another problem to solve. Marinette played the video again. The smile was perfect, but the body language was wrong. So very wrong. Which begged the question. Why was Chat Noir so afraid of showing that he was upset?

🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞

The next day Adrien was still feeling the effects of having to have and recover from an episode of emotion. Everything was just so much ‘more’. More crowded. Louder. More energy to pretend and put on the act of being ‘normal’. More reminders of how he wasn’t. He must not have hidden it very well either, cause Nino had asked if he was tired and then had offered to share notes. Marinette passed him a note about bad days and smiley faces. Even Plagg had tried to offer support. He had given him a mouse.

Not even a dead mouse. Plagg had given him an injured, but still slightly alive mouse. The creature that was so lazy he demanded to be given cheese that was only three feet away, had gone out and hunted him a mouse. That he had to immediately shove into his school bag when Nathatlie walked in a moment later. He wasn’t going to admit it, but that thought of there being a probably dying mouse in his bag had been a decent distraction.

Not that Adrien had been helpless. He had his fidget spinner today. He had chewed through another pencil. He played with his ring. (Come to think of it, Nino had plenty of clues that his bro wasn’t doing very well) But by the end of the day he was still mentaly exhausted from the front he had put up. It was a relief when it was time for the statue ceremony.

As Chat Noir leaped over the school, he wondered if it was supposed to be strange that the crowds and loud noises in school were so overwhelming, but the crowd he encountered in the park felt like it boosted his energy. He didn’t think it was just because it was an event for the hero’s. Maybe because it was outside? But as Chat got closer he decided it was because of the kind of energy that everyone gave off. The aura. That was what made the difference.

It also helped that this was just fun. He got to brag about being such close friends with Ladybug, (friends to lovers one day? maybe?) he posed for pictures with a little boy who brought his kitten, and his knew favorite activity, signing autographs. Adrien Agrest hated signing autographs. He had to make eye contact and stare at peoples eyeballs, which always got uncomfortable really quick. Almost as uncomfortable as the cramps in his hand. Cats don’t like eye contacts though. They also can’t write.

[insert image of badly drawn cat face here because it's late and I can't figure out how. it was a great picture though, y'all'r missing out]

Just as he took another pen in his fist a reporter thrust a microphone into his face. He jumped with another manly screech and the pen went flying, never to be seen again. “Chat Noir, is it true that you are illiterate?”

“Uhhh…. What?” That was not one of his expected questions.

“It’s a term that refers to someone who cannot read or write.” Seriously this reporter was getting really close. Not to mention being insulting. Chat slightly replenished reserves of ‘deal with people juice’ started going down again. Out of habit, and quite frankly need, he reached into pocket and started playing with whatever he happened to have in there.

“I know what that means, I’m just surprised you asked that.” He stepped back a bit. The reporter followed.

“It has not gone unnoticed that you don’t use your name to write autographs.” He was staring at the reporters eyeballs now. He didn’t have much choice, the dude was way too close. He took another step back. If he didn’t have answers prepared for most of these questions he would be panicking.

“Well, I’ve only had thumbs for a little bit so I,” he was cut off by a scream. A very loud girly scream from the pushy reporter who threw his mic into the air (never to be seen again) and jumped away from him. Chat was immediately on alert. “What is it? Where’s the akuma?”

“Is that a mouse!?” screamed pushy reporter.

“A mouse akuma?” that didn't sound so bad.

“Chat Noir,” oh, that was Alya, she was a lot less likely to panic. A good trait for a reporter/blogger, “you have a mouse in your hands.”

Chat looked down. It was the mouse from this morning. “I forgot I had that.” How did even get in his pocket? It hadn’t even been in his regular pants! It had been in his bookbag! Magic was weird. “Hey I think he’s still alive,” well that was a surprise, “I thought for sure he’d be dead by now.”

He wasn’t asked any more questions after that.

**********************************************************

Later, at the museum:

“Madam, what did Chat Noir do before stealing the Mona Lisa?”

“He was flirting with women and signing autographs. He signed my jacket.” She held up her sleeve to reveal the name ‘Chat Noir’ written in lacy cursive. The police officers shared a look.

“You’ll be able to catch him right.”

“Don’t worry Madam, everything will be sorted out.”

Shortly afterward a news alert warned the citizens of Paris that there was an akuma disguised as Chat Noir. If anyone needed to double check, just ask for an autograph.


	5. Not Like I Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to hell is paved with good intentions
> 
> Alternatively, Gabe will not comply with the authors need to have dialog in her story cause Gabe is a dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an autistic parent of an autistic child I understand Gabriel here. that does not mean that I support his methods.
> 
> This is much more rough drafty than usual, but the personal challenge that I set for myself when I started this means I can't edit that much.

Nino watched his little brother play video games as he ate breakfast. Chris was still in his pajamas, which above all else always included an XXL hoodie. His day clothes, if he bothered to change at all, would also include an XXL hoodie. That hoodie was more important to Chris that anything. Possibly even food. It was so large that he had his arms inside holding the controller like some kind of circus tent. The sleeves were long enough that they didn’t even drag across the floor as he rocked his body back and forth. Like, he rocked a lot. It was amazing that he could play like that.

When Nino first met Adrien he had only kinda reminded him of his brother before he got bullied out of school. Awkward and really oblivious about social cues but otherwise pretty chill. Then yesterday happened. Adrien had a bad day. All of the sudden all he could see was Chris trying to fake his way through being ok after freaking out over something that seemed small. And that was the part that worried Nino. Because sometimes he was the one to try to talk things out with Chris when he had a bad day and he knew how confusing and frustrating it was. The kid could be completely blindsided by something that you would never expect. It rained when the weatherman said it wouldn’t so plans had to change. Sarcasm that he missed. The sound from the vacuum. 

If Adrien really was anything like Chris, then there was no way to know what had been the trigger. There was no way for him to know how to help.

Nino got to school before Adrien that day. He had a fidget spinner, a stress ball (it was a pikachu), and sugarless gum in his bag. They would probably stay in his bag for the rest of the year, waiting for whenever they needed to be used. Adrien probably still had his own but it never hurt for a friend to be prepared. When his bro did come in Nino had expected him to put his bag on his seat so that he could reach whatever toy he wanted at the moment, so he was confused when instead Adrien place his bag on the floor, and then scooted it back as far as it could go without going up the stairs.

Nino didn’t want Adrien to feel uncomfortable about him prying though so he said nothing. Dude played with his ring and had a strip of fleece in his pocket and was just fine. At the end of homeroom Adrien pulled up his bag and dug out his phone with a smile on his face. 

“Better day than yesterday I take it?” Nino asked, even though it was obvious.

“Yeah,” Adrien replied, “slept a lot better.” He started to plug a battery bank into his phone. “Oh hey, she charged this one for me!” He exclaimed with a real smile. Not that fake one he was using all of yesterday. Then he pulled out… another phone? Nino stared.

“And she charged this one too. I thought Marinette used android?” He turned to Nino, “Do people normally have chargers they don’t use just lying around?” Ah, Marinette stole his phone and Adrien gave her the chance to give it back. See, this is why people called him sunshine child.

“She would still need a charger for her school tablet bro. Prob used that one.”

“Oh right, forgot about that.” Anyone else would have said that sunshine child was dumb as bricks, but this was exactly the kind of thing that reminded him of Chris. Being highly observant of details most people missed while missing the obvious. Nino certainly didn’t pay attention what kind of phones his friends used. Speaking of…

“So what’s with the two phones my dude?”

“Oh, uhhh,” he seemed nervous. “This one is mostly just for books and movies. That way it doesn’t take up any memory on my normal phone.”

Now Nino may not have noticed what phones people used in passing, but now that he was looking at it he could tell that this was a brand new phone. Top of the line and everything. “Why not just get an ipad or something? Kindle maybe?"

Adrien looked a bit sheepish, "Phone's smaller and easier to hide from my dad." That answer was a little concerning. To his even greater concern he added, "Nathalie can track all of my activity but sometimes I just want a little bit of privacy ya know."

……what?….

Oh good lord! Adrien had no idea what that sounded like did he? Nino debated on whether he should tell him.

Sunshine interrupted his secondhand pain. "Hey, what's this?" He said holding up a handmade card. 'Happy birthday Adrien' was written in perfect calligraphy that could only be done by two people in class, and only one of them snuck things into people's bags.

"Keep your smile bright, it's your day" The blond gave a soft smile that Nino hadn’t seen before. "She forgot to sign it." At least he had figured out who it was from. "I'll have to thank her later."

"Dude! It's your birthday and you didn't tell me!" He was a little hurt. Weren't they friends?

"It's never been a big deal before,” he answered with a shrug, not looking at him. “I didn't want to bother anyone."

Nino understood. At least, he thought he did. He hoped he was wrong. He was remembering his brother's birthday party last year where no one had shown up. Someone had sent a present though, saying sorry for not coming in person. It was full of dog shit.

He knew what he needed to do.

🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Gabriel Agrest had been having a fairly pleasant day. He had his Tuesday breakfast just like he did every other Tuesday. Nathalie read him his schedule for the day at exactly 6:30 and not a minute before or after. He watched Adrien leave for school from his window, the boy had a nasty habit of never leaving at the same time each day so catching him was a wonderful surprise. His one video meeting of the morning had also managed to begin at exactly the right time and only lasted as long as it was intended to. Yes, a good day.

So learning that today was his son’s birthday and no one had deemed fit to remind him had been a shock to his system. After telling off his assistant he was left an empty feeling. Not quite sadness, and not really anger. Simply… empty.

The whiplash of learning that a 'friend' of his son was here to speak with him right afterwards was worse. Because he hated surprise visits from anyone with a fiery passion. Gabriel doubted that Adrien had any real friends. Surely this was merely the first person who was using his connections the be both brave and stupid enough to come to his father in person. The gall.

Because that's what people did to those like him and Adrien. Those with a different mind who just couldn't understand people . Not without practice and study anyway. Bitterly Gabriel wished once again that his son had been willing to wait just one more year before going to school. Surely his mother would be back by then. She would know how to deal with this.

Emily would know who could be trusted and who should be turned away. So just to be safe, everyone would be turned away.

Because Gabriel loved his son. And he wanted to do better for him than his own father had done for him. There would be no beatings for being strange or slow. He had the power to allow his son to enter the larger world at a slower rate, so that he could learn about people at his own pace. He encouraged any hobbies that his son had; passing interest in basketball? Fencing? He was auditioned for teams with the best coaches around. Those strange foriegn cartoons he liked to watch with the Bourgeois girl? Private Chinese lessons.

No, Adrien would never suffer like Gabriel did. There would be no smug psychologist who would throw him in a loony bin. There would be no ‘therapy’ that was more traumatizing than the episodes of emotion that he already had. Gariel knew how to take care of his son far better than they could. Besides, Adrien would learn how to manage his episodes better in time. All he had to do was stand beck and give him space.

After all they… wait. 

Gabriel recognized this feeling. This feeling of spiralling down in his own thoughts, doing anything he could to not think of his own childhood. Of shutting himself inside his own mind. This was his own episode of emotion. He looked down at the sketchbook on his desk. The shoulder details for the men's springline jacket had somehow morphed into the jaws of a frog that were swallowing several toothbrushes. This was the form his episodes had taken as an adult. 

But he had found something that helped him deal with them even better.

And while he was at it he might spend some time observing that cat more. He had some suspicions. It would truly be delightful if one of the heroes he fought was someone like himself.

Beautifully ironic.

\----------------------------------------------------

Later: in Adrien’s room

Adrien found a crushed macaron in the bottom of his schoolbag.

He maybe, possibly, shed a tear.


	6. Chloe does her homework

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe has known Adrien her entire life and she ain't dumb.
> 
> Nino becomes woke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad about the last chapter being mostly exposition so I pumped this one out as fast as possible in order to make up for it. sorry

Chloe Bourgeois and Adrien Agrest have known each other for their entire lives. Adrien would listen as she prattled off the entire tragic life story of her dolls. He would read the subtitles out loud for whatever anime they were watching. (Neither of them as children considered it odd that a 4 year old could read that well but not speak, nor did they suspect that this was the reason they were encouraged to be friends) And Adrien was the one to let her scream and cry when her mother left. Yes, Adrien did lots of things for Chloe and on the surface it looked like a very unbalanced relationship. But there was one important thing that Chloe always did for Adrien.

She remained his friend.

Adrien actually had lots of opportunities to be around other people. He just… never quite managed to make any friends. No one ever stuck around or called him up at the end of the season. And Chloe could see how much that hurt him. So the one time Adrien asked something of Chloe, to help him make friends, how could she refuse?

Thus Adrien was enrolled in school.

“There was something of a power vacuum when Charlemagne’s three grandsons were left in charge for various reasons” Once again they were in Chloe’s suite doing homework before their weekly movie/anime night. And by ‘doing homework’ we mean Adrien reads the assignments aloud to Chloe and marks down her answers while Chloe does her nails. “The grandsons in question were Lothar, Louis the blank, and Charles the blank.”

She interrupted him before he could even read her the multiple choice. “Does one of them say ‘the Bald’? Cause I remember that one of them is the Bald.”

Adrien glanced at Chloe’s worksheet. “Uh, yes. (b says ‘German and Bald. Should I mark that one?”  
“Hmmhm” she affirmed. This new detail pen was working great. She would have to wait and see how it held up throughout the week.

“Got it,” he said, scratching in the correct circle. He continued, “In the hundred years war against England, the French house of Valois fought against the English house of blank?”

“Plant something or other.” Here’s hoping nothing would smear under this top coat.

“Plantagenet.” 

When all the homework was done they settled down for the current anime, Baccano. It was dubbed so Adrien didn’t have to read anything for Chloe. Actually, they had already watched the whole thing, but it was so bizarre and confusing that it took watching it a second time in order to figure out what the heck was going on.

During the credits Adrien quietly asked, “Chlo, why are you so mean to people at school.”

Chloe didn’t answer right away. Truth was she was already a lot less mean to them than she was before Adrien arrived. She hadn’t once picked on Lahiffe since the boys had become friends, despite the torment she used to give him for years. But she didn’t want to tell Adrien that. It wouldn’t really answer his question.

Tapping her perfect nails against her knee (never on the table, the sound bothered Adrien too much) Chloe decided to be honest. “Because i would rather have everyone think that I’m just a spoiled bitch than to have them think i’m stupid. At least this way I get to control the narrative.”

Adrien took a moment to think before he responded, “I think they would understand, if you explained.”

“Not everyone is as nice as you Adrikins.” Then the next episode started and that was the end of the conversation.

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

“Ugh! She is such a bitch!” Chloe screamed as she threw her bookbag across her room. How hard was it to understand that she repaid her friendships in something other than gifts? What, just because she was rich then it was required that she spend expensive things on her friend? That would only make both of them feel guilty. And Sabrina loved to do things for her. She said so all the time. And literally the only thing she ever asked for in return was that they spend quality time together. What was wrong with that? “She had absolutely no right to butt in like that! Ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!”

“Who had no right to do what?” Chloe spun around to find Ladybug on her balcony. Chat Noir was perched on the back of her deck chair and had that smile of his while Ladybug was strictly business. 

“Oh, I’m sure sure you don’t want to hear about some schoolgirl drama Ladybug.” Actcoolactcoolbesupercool. “Let me order you something from room service,” she said with a bright smile. “I can get you anything you like, including something kitty safe.”

“Butterfish” came the instant reply from Chat. Chloe blinked.

“Butterfish?” Ladybug seemed just as confused.

“Well I like fish, and I’ve recently discovered that butter is the best thing ever. Therefore,” he paused for dramatic effect, making a totally-not-cute gesture with his hands, “butterfish.”

Well who could argue with that logic. “Sole Meuniere then. I’m feeling a fruit tart today. Ladybug?”

“We’ve come to talk about the akuma that was after you today, Evillistrator.” A true professional Ladybug was.

Chloe tried to make the best of the afternoon, but Ladybug had to leave . Normally that would have been the part that ruined things for her. No, it was what happened right afterwards that threw her groove for the rest of the week.

Because Adrien Freakin’ Agrest was wearing a black leather catsuit.

Oh. My. God.

Chat Noir was draped in Adrien’s chair. The exact same chair he sat in every time.

He wouldn’t.

He was reading her textbook to her without any prompting.

Oh my god.

All those videos of Chat play flirting sounded exactly like Tamaki Suoh from Ouran High School Host Club..

He totally would.

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

Chloe had all week to come to terms with her suspicions and what she should do with them. At first she was tempted to subtly mess with Adrien. Then she started thinking about how much effort he was going through to hide his secret identity and wondered if he would get in trouble for her finding out. Probably. Chloe wasn’t stupid, anyone who knew what kind of person she was would be horrified to learn that she knew one of the hero’s identities. 

That left Chloe with the option of protecting her friend without him realizing it. The first thing she did was have Sabrina research Chat Noir friendly blogs and pick the best one. It was called ‘Kittify’ and actually pre-dated the heroes and was run by a veterinary student. She subscribed and became a generous (but anonymous) patron. 

Stage two of her plan had to wait for anime night. Because Chloe still needed some kind of proof to be sure that her Adrien was Chat Noir. 

“Adrikins, what do you think Chat Noir’s origin story is?”

“Origin story?” Neither of them looked away from the screen.

“Well I mean he had to come from somewhere right? And he obviously was some kind of magical or super intelligent cat before he was given the miraculous.” She did her best to sound nonchalant about it. He would notice and be suspicious if she pushed too much.

“Well isn’t he Ladybugs familiar or something like that.” Adrien was trying just as hard to tread lightly. 

“Well I guess, but how does one qualify to be a familiar? There must be something cause otherwise she could have picked just any mangy alley cat. Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.” 

The conversation was once again ended by the beginning of the next episode. Three days later however, Chloe watched the TV with glee as Chat Noir proudly proclaimed that this hieroglyph right here was ‘CatDad’, and that CatDad was much older than five-thousand years old.

“Gotcha Adrikins.”

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

Later at Nino’s house:

Nino received a book in the mail. It had no return address or sendee. 

“How to Care for Your Aspie”


	7. Cat Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug has accepted that she is now a pet owner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, writing a battle isn't the hard part. figuring out a wacky lucky charm is the hard part. so I eventually skipped it.

It's funny how the smallest of events can ruin your entire day. Something as utterly benign as borrowing your best friend's flash drive could spiral out of control and end with you being the top three memes of the week. To be fair though, it was a super cool flash drive.

"Hey Nino?"

"Yeah my dude?"

"That is the coolest flash drive I have ever seen." They were sitting in a library booth where they were using a small portable speaker. Nino had been suckered into a tik tok challenge to make one 30 second music clip a day for 30 days. He had been acting really nervous about showing what he had so far for today (it was day 17) and Adrien wanted to help out. Luckily Nino had pulled out the perfect distraction.

"Isn't it?" Nino said with a laugh. 10 points to sunshine child. He put the cap back on so they could properly admire the large strip of bacon in all its glory. "Usually I like to watch people's faces when I first pull it out. It's always hilarious. But I was thinking about today's mega weird prompt and forgot about it."

"Well put it back and do it again then. I promise to react exactly like I did the first time."

Nino put the bacon drive back in his bag, Then slowly drew it back out again, staring at Adrien with an intensity that would have been creepy in any other setting.

"Gasp," said Adrien with the most exaggerated rich person accent he could muster. "Nino! Why ever do you have bacon in your bag? That's not very sanitary."

With a large flourish the cap was pulled off and held above their heads like a trophy.

"Oooohhhh!! It’s a flash drive!" That was when they both burst into loud laughter. It was a good thing they got the booth.

"Seriously though, where did you get that?" Adrien asked when they finally calmed down.

"My baby bro Chris got them for me cause I kept on losing all my music files." He handed it to Adrien to look at closer, who was surprised to notice that it was also bacon scented. "Said if I kept losing them when they were this big he would make fun of me forever and I would deserve it."

By the time they finally listened to Nino’s unfinished mix for the daily prompt (box) he was calm enough to see and hear his mistakes all on his own. And when Adrien had commented on how his day 11 mix (prompt: sandals) would sound amazing on piano he lent him his flash drive for lunch.

That was a mistake.

🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓🥓

Ladybug could never quite decide if she prefered lunchtime akumas or if she hated them. On the one hand, she didn't have to make up some excuse to get away for the fight which was more convenient, on the other hand however, she was missing lunch. She was active enough by this point thay missing lunch was torture. Hate then.

"My Lady!" Chat Noir called out as he bounded across the roof on all fours. The bright smile on his face could probably banish the overcast sky today. "Are you fired up for today's akuma? I'm burning for a battle."

"Good, you already know what we're up against." Chat pouted, he was adorable when she pretended to not notice his puns. "Follow me and stay hidden, I have a plan and need to show you something." A few minutes later they were crouched behind a sign for a clinic. "Do you see that?" she whispered, pointing at the building across the narrow street.

"Umm," Chat's eyes were scanning the whole building, nowhere near where she was pointing. "The heavy potted plants on the balcony on the right?" He was guessing.

"No Chat, below that."

"The overhang?" Ladybug shook her head. Then her eyes widened as he leaned over her body so that he could line up his sight down her arm. 

She found herself whispering again. "Between the third window from the left on the first and second floor is an old drainage pipe. I want you to lure HazardPays right beneath it. We need to put the flames out before we can find the akumatized item."

Chat nodded "Right. Got it" The sirens for fire trucks could be heard getting closer in the distance. "See you in five Bugaboo."

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

It was only fifteen minutes later that found Adrien in an alleyway digging through his pockets for camembert for Plagg.

It was two minutes after that when a disturbingly large rat stole the bacondrive and sprinted up a fire escape.

It took less than a second after that for a panicked Adrien to shout "Claws Out" so that he could follow. His first real dude friend had given that to him. He trusted him with it and he wasn't going to let Nino down.

🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀

Ladybug was spending her recharge time speed walking through a pet store.

"You know what Tikki?" She was searching for the right section, ah! this one. "Before meeting Chat Noir I never stopped to consider all of the little things that make us human."

"Things like what Marinette?" asked the tiny godling.

"Mostly the things that you never think about knowing how you know how to do them. Starting a conversation. How to use a straw." She found what she was looking for and made her selection. "Being able to follow a pointing finger"

Tikki frowned "do you really believe that he's an actual cat then?" They had talked about the possibility of Chat simply going the extra mile to hide his identity.

Marinetted fingered the package as she stood in the aisle. "Well, you never said it wasn't possible" Her face turned sad. "And I honestly kinda hope he is. Otherwise… some of the things he's said, and the way he reacts to food…" There was no good reason she could think of for a human boy to be slightly afraid of eating in front of other people. She clenched her fists. "I'd be very worried about his home life if he were human."

Birds chirped from her purse, informing her that there was an update on the Ladyblog. She pulled out her phone, there was still an active (but no longer burning) akyma after all, it probably mentioned where HazardPays was. What Marinette found instead was a short video taken from someone's window. It showed her kitty, dressed as a hero, stalking a particularly large rat. She smiled fondly. 

"I'm glad I don't have to worry about him like that though." Then she quickly made her purchase and rushed back into battle.

😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺😺

Even though it had been his goal all along, Chat Noir was still surprised when he managed to successfully catch the rat. Like, he knew that was the whole point of chasing the damn thing, but he had felt deep down that it had been a futile effort. The rat and the bacondrive would get away. He would go back to school in shame. Nino would never trust him again. His chance at making friends at school would be over because word would spread that he was unreliable. 

So when he found that there was a live rat thrashing in his claws he froze in a bit of shock. And then he was in awe. Did he really just do that? Holy shit! He also felt a strong sense of pride, and for the first time he could tell for sure that that was from Plagg. 

He didn’t get to bask in the feelings for very long though. An explosion nearby reminded him that there was an akuma on the loose still. Making triple sure that the bacondrive was in his zipped pocket, he ran for the rendezvous point. He expected that Ladybug was probably already waiting for him. When he got there the firefighters were waiting instead. No super partner yet.

"Chat Noir'' was that the Captain? It seemed safe to assume so. "We just finished soaking the… uh…the positions that Ladybug gave us."

At this moment Chat realized two things. One: he was still holding the squirming rat. He slowly moved to hide it behind his back, as if he could pretend it wasn't there. *squeak*

Two: these guys reacted to him holding rodents a lot better than that one reporter did. Right then and there Chat decided that he liked firefighters better than reporters.

"So," he started, "did My Lady tell you exactly what the second half of her plan is yet? Cause so far today has been a well thought out master plan rather than a wing it as we go sort of day."

"I knew it!" Cried a woman standing by the rolled up hoses. "I freakin’ knew it! Pay up Bellamy."

Before poor Bellamy could point out that his wallet was underneath a good 50 pounds or so of gear, a loud roaring made them all look up. It was the akuma, smoldering and starting to catch fire again, dropping in on them from 7 stories up. Thinking fast ChatNoir knew that he had to distract this guy quick so the fire crew could evacuate. He snapped into action and threw his baton… wait that wasn't his baton.

Regardless of whether it was intended or not, the rat beamed HazardPays right in the face. Both of them gave a squawk of indignation. This also caused the akuma to completely miss his landing, stumbling and tripping over a curb before splashing into a puddle, putting out most of his flames again. They glared at him from the ground.

"Did you just throw a rat at my face?"

"I was hoping you would barbque it for me."

As the battle resumed Chat was pleased to note that the fireman had indeed evacuated the area, as opposed to sticking around to film the heros and becoming hazards themselves (Heh). Playing keep away was much easier when he didn't have to worry about civilians? non-heros (and fire). Its official, firefighters were his favorites.

"Does this mean you're going to pay me for being a hero?" He quipped and leaped. "Cause this seems pretty hazardous to me." Ladybug was trying to steal a fire hose without being noticed.

"No one ever shows any respect for dangerous jobs!"

"I know right?" CLANG! SLASH! "Think I can get paid in hot cash?"

"Chat Noir'' Ladybug landed on a bench with her yoyo string trailing off somewhere. "Statue" she shouted, pointing across the square. He felt a moment of panic. Which one? There was a whole line of statues here. Except only one of them had a dancing red dot on them.

"Cataclysm!" 

Ladybug tugged hard on her string.

"Duck!" The ash from the spell had barely cleared the air when a large something hurled through the open space, exploding on the akuma in a cloud of white dust. Almost immediately HazardPays became trapped in a gooey, starchy mess.

One graffitied work safety poster later and Adrien was finally on his way back to school, completely unaware of the traffic cams on the water truck and of how many memes he had created that day.

______________________

Later at school:

"Naw man. It's all cool. These are just my backups. Most of my active stuff is on cloud nowadays"


	8. Maybe Plagg is the Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien finally, finally realizes that he cockblocked himself.
> 
> Plagg plants some seeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can see Plagg liking a moraly grey show.
> 
> Also, there is no specific anime show being used. I made up my own to suit my purposes. As an author I can do that.

Plagg was watching DeepSpace 9 on his phone while keeping an eye on his kitten below. Said kitten had stolen a large PVC pipe from an alley somewhere and was using it to practice bo staff forms that he had looked up on the internet. Why the boy decided to use literal garbage when he could have easily bought one somewhere was beyond him. Maybe it made him feel like a rebel.

The kid wasn’t doing too bad either. He had had enough years of training in so many different sports that he was perfectly capable of disciplining himself on his own. Really he barely needed any guidance at all.

“Lower,” he called out, not even looking away from his screen. He was waiting for someone to slap this…

“You’re not even watching! How would you know.” Adrien cried out like a child. Because no matter what any fourteen year-old tells you, they are children.

Plagg paused the video. He didn’t want to miss it when they finally lost their shit. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m an immortal god whose watched hundreds of Chat Noir’s learn these forms,” Not these EXACT forms but he didn’t need to know that, “And every single one of them got their stance wrong the first dozen times. Lower.”

Adrien bent his knees more, dropping into a deep crouch.

“Check your toes.” Destruction incarnate had already started his video again. Part of him really wanted this dude to get away with it. “Now see if you can hold that position perfectly for the next 20 minutes.” That should give him time to finish this episode. He still glanced over now and then to check the kids form and only needed to correct him once. And that was for lowering his bo staff. So really, barely any guidance.

It also probably helped that the kid had adapted to his magic so quickly that he probably didn’t even notice the transition. Or even if he did, it had been so smooth that he didn’t think it was worth mentioning. Of course something like that was very much so worth mentioning.

But he didn’t need to know that yet.

🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀

Adrien wobbled into class on shaky legs where Nino, Kim, and Max all seemed to be talking about a book Kim was holding.

“So you’re saying that if I finish reading this by Monday you’ll help me with my Valentine tomorrow?” Adrien was instantly confused, mostly because that timeline made zero sense.

“Dude, you don’t have to read it that fast.” Nino looked a little exasperated. “I just want everyone to underst…”

“What! You think I can’t do it?” Kim interrupted. “Is that a dare?”

“Affirmative. It is a dare.” Max clearly had more practice dealing with the jock. “If you can finish reading the book by Monday then I will assist you with your darling Valentine tomorrow.”

“You're on!” Kim shouted, then immediatly knocked the weak sunshild child over as he turned around.

"Yo, you ok?" Nino knelt down to help up his bro.

"Sorry man," then Kim got a closer look at him. "You look like hell."

"Dude!" Nino started to chastise him but Adrien didn't mind. Kim was right anyway.

"This morning was leg day." Was all he said as he heavily leaned on his desk. 

"Oof" Kim gave him a fist bump. "You should ice those muscles during lunch. Hey, What do you use as a recovery drink?"

Adrien shrank a bit. "I just went straight to breakfast."

Kim had a look of horror (Max had already zoned out on his laptop) and soon Adrien found a chocolate milk in his hand. "This is honestly the best stuff for post workout. Beats anything else I've ever tried." Then they stared at him. Did they actually want to watch him drink it?

Before he could register that he was starting to panic, Nino threw his arm over his shoulders. "You can drink it during class dude. Kim, don't you have a book to read?"

He pumped his fists "Oh! Right!" He said before jumping up to his desk to aggressively read. Adrien hadn’t even known it was possible to aggressively read.

"You get any more love confessions today?" Nino asked when they had sat down. 

Adrien looked around the room before opening the bottle. "Not yet, but it's only a matter of time." Now Adrien had turned down fangirls before, but that was always at some kind of event or show. To his great distress he realized that he had no idea how to turn down girls in a school setting. Or in some form of conversation. The first time he tried he mangeled the situation so badly that Nino had given him some gum out of pity.

"Just say the word man and we can make you a human shield of dudes for the whole day."

"My father would have to pay you then," he joked before taking a sip. "Wow! Chocolate milk is really good!"

"What do you…" Nino took Adrien by the shoulders and shook him gently. "Have you never had chocolate milk before?!"

"Well…"

"Bro!"

🍫🍶🍫🍶🍫🍶🍫🍶🍫🍶🍫🍶

By the time school ended the next day Adrien severely regretted not not taking up the offer of a wall of dudes.

He was exhausted in so many ways. His neck and shoulders ached from feeling tense and on edge all day. Three separate girls had decided that the ‘surprise attack’ method was the best way to get his attention, and if success was defined by him having a mini episode of emotion in the hallway, then two of them succeeded. Adrien found himself checking corners in paranoia all day. He had to spend ‘deal with people juice’ on people he didn’t normally talk to, which meant he had to use a lot more of it. The only bright side was that no one commented about his use of two fidget spinners at once. (Nino let him borrow his)

All of that was on top of all the pretending. The act and performance that he had to put on of being a normal person was almost too much. He wished he didn’t need it. He wished he could be himself without being a freak. He wished he could be… more human.

With a sigh he opened the box labeled “NOT a Valentine confession, emergency supplies”. He was 95% sure it was from Marinette since it was filled with pastries from her parents bakery. Including some of the same kind of macaron that got crushed on his birthday. This time he knew it was passionfruit. 

“Do you want any Plagg?” Adrien asked the darkness of the janitors closet he was hiding in. His kwamii had helped him sneak in here when he had been seconds away from collapsing under the mental and emotional stress. They were waiting for the school to empty.

“I’ve lived through all of human history without developing a sweet tooth. I’ll pass. Hey, hold out your hand. I got you a valentine.”

Adrien obliged, pretty sure it was just going to be some cheese. What he got instead was something soft and warm. And wiggly. “Is this another mouse?” Holding rodents had passed into the realms of normal by now. “Thanks Plagg, really.” He rubbed his fingers along the fur. The texture was calming.

After several more minutes of silent pastry eating (he still made sure to not touch his food with the hand that had held the mouse) Adrien found the courage to ask his kwamii something that he had been wondering for a while. Even before he became Chat Noir.

“Hey Plagg.”

“Ya kid?”

“If I wasn’t completely human, would you be able to tell me?”

He could feel Plagg settling in his hair. “I mean, probably, but where did that question even come from?”

“That’s not really an answer,” Adrien paused. He hated being direct. “Am I human?”

Plagg licked his hair a bit. “Of course you're human kid, being a changeling doesn’t change any of that.”

“Changeling?” Adrien felt a prick of fear. So there was something wrong with him after all?

“That’s what people used to call children like you way back in the day. Of course they got all superstitious and weird about it. Made a lot of assumptions that were completely wrong. One of my favorite kittens was a changeling like you though and she used to pull the greatest pranks!” Plagg started laughing, “There was this one time with the city magistrate who was…”

“Wait!” Adrien interrupted, sitting up so fast that the god was launched out of his hair. “That would mean… that would mean that there are others right? There’s people out there who’re just like me? Other than my father?” Please let this be true please let this be true, he chanted to himself. The fear he felt a minute ago had been completely eclipsed by a glimmer hope. 

“Well yeah, of course there are.” Plagg sounded like he was flying around his head. “Probably some kind of fancy, sciency word for it nowadays though.”

Maybe, Adrien thought to himself, maybe he wasn’t a freak. Maybe he was just lonely. And if he wasn't broken...

Suddenly filled with an energy he couldn't begin to explain Adrien leapt to his feet. (Knocking over several somethings in the process) "Plagg, I'm gonna go confess to Ladybug! Claws Out!"

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Chat Noir did not get to confess to Ladybug that day.

Ladybug noticed that her partner had been happy and bubbly when he first approached her that day. Excitement beamed off his presence so brightly she almost laughed for joy just to see him. But later, after they defeated DarkCupid, he was much more somber. Nervous maybe? He must feel bad for falling under the akuma's spell, she decided.

“How’s your Valentine's Day been Chaton?” she asked as she plopped down next to him. He had been lounging in the weak winter sun but sat up at her voice. “You know, minus the akuma attack parts.” Ha! His ears drooped a bit when she mentioned the akuma, she was right then.

“It’s,” he started, “Today has really been an up and down day.”

“So you’ve had some yo-yo emotions?” she said with a smirk. Ah, there was the spark of joy in his eyes she loved so much.

“Some of them have left me spinning.” he grinned back.

“I think I’ve had a day like that too,” Ladybug looked out over the river. Couples could be seen braving the cold for a romantic walk. “I was going to confess to my crush today, but then I found out that he kind of hates Valentine’s Day, so I changed the note on it last minute.”

“Oh?” Chat said quietly.

“Hmhm,” she hummed. “It wasn't the right day for it. And I think he appreciated getting something from a friend a lot more. Oh, that reminds me,” she pulled a box similar to Marinette’s out of her yo-yo (how?). “Happy Valentine’s Day Chat Noir.”

She watched as he panicked, patting his pockets as he looked for something. Eventually he offered her another mouse with a profound blush. “Um, Happy Valentine’s Day Ladybug.”

She took it as she handed him his box, noting that this mouse was a lot less crushed than the CopyCat one. He must have caught it right before the akuma attack. “Thank you Kitty,” she made sure to smile. The thing was going straight in the dumpster when she got home but he didn’t need to know that.

Ladybug was lucky enough to see Chat Noir’s face light up when he saw the heart shaped mooncakes she gave him. Decorating them had been a pain, (she may or may not have summoned a Lucky Charm in order to make them) and she doubted he could read chinese, but he was worth it.

“Oh My Kwamii! They have my face!” he squealed, bouncing in place. Definitely worth it.

🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮🥮

The physical manifestation of death and entropy gave his kitten a wide grin when they de-transformed. “Soooo, how did it go?” Adrien's only answer was to fling himself on his silk sheets and scream into his monogrammed pillow like a disney princess. Plagg laughed, what a drama kitten. “That bad huh?”

Only great experience and highly superior hearing allowed him to translate his muffled groans. “Somehow this both is the best, and the worst day of my entire life.”

“You wanna make a list about it?” He teased. Really though he should, otherwise he would overthink things.

Adrien looked at him, then rolled over to grab a notebook from his desk. “You know what? I think I will.”

“Good. You do that so that your lovesick moanings won’t interrupt my time with my beloved camembert.” Plagg drifted over to the TV.

“I doubt the cheese loves you back Plagg.”

“It doesn’t need to love me back in order to make me happy. Now keep your sappy sighs quiet so I can watch this show in peace.” If kwamii had fingers, he would have crossed them, hopefully the kid would pick up a bit of what he meant. He needed some time to work through his feelings about today first though. The ancient being who had helped raise many, many children also knew that if he pushed the subject too hard or too fast it would only start a fight. No, he needed to be patient and wait for Adrien to come back to him. 

It was almost two episodes later when Adrien came to join him on the couch. He was holding the half finished box of mooncakes. “Feeling any better kid?”

“Yeah, I finished my list for all the good and bad things that happened today.” On the TV one of the characters was going on a monolog in the middle of battle, which for some reason everyone had stopped fighting to listen to.

“And?” he prompted.

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought. Ladybug didn’t get to confess to her crush yet, and as long as she doesn’t hate me then I still have a chance. Today just wasn't the right day."

Well that’s a pretty dark yet weirdly optimistic way of viewing things, Plagg thought. He was going to have to keep an eye on that. "Well you know what I think?" He started.

But then darkness saw the boy tense, like he was waiting for a verbal attack. Now Plagg liked to teese the kid, it was fun, but for now it was time to change tactics. Plan b then.

"I don't get why these two goofballs didn't just get together in season one" he complained pointing at the screen. The cartoon couple in question was having an awkward moment on screen. He would have to thank Tikki for the great timing. "They could have avoided a whole lot of embarrassment if they did."

"But it wouldn't have worked out then." exclaimed a suddenly hyper Adrien. Weeb-mode had been activated. "Little Yuki needed to learn that she was just as powerful as her sister before she could believe that Hu's affections were genuine. And Hu needed to confront his Grandfather before he could give himself to a relationship. Plus, all of the embarrassing stuff is how they got so close. Like at the beginning of season two when they had to go…"

Plagg interrupted him then. The kid could go on like this for hours and normally he would let him with only token resistance, but he was on a mission right now. "So what you're saying is, it just wasn't the right time for them? That moving too fast would have only hurt them both?"

"Yes!" cried the exasperated child.

"Just like you and Ladybug?" 

"Yes!" pause, "Wait, no! That's not… Aahrg! You tricked me!"

"Well duh," the well accomplished trickster floated over to sit in his kitten's hair where he rearranged some of it to his liking. Much better. "Don't try to solve season 3 problems when you're still a season one Chat Noir. You still have some growing to do Kitten."

The kid went quiet, probably thinking. Definitely with his mind in a calmer place at least. Plagg grabbed a mooncake and sat on the coffee table (if the couch got dirty Adrien would be the one to get in trouble).

"What happened to sugar being a sad human temptation?" Adrien questioned.

"Eh, it would be rude not to." And he could sense the dregs of Tikki's magic on them. When he took a bite he could taste them too. "By the way" he spat around a mouthful of crumbs, "Just how exactly were you planning to date Ladybug when she and the rest of the city all think you're a cat?"

The god started to cackle with glee as the kid finally, finally realized what he had done to himself.

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

In his office Gabriel heard a guttural scream coming from his son's room. He sent a note to Nathalie to start supplying the boy with lube.

___________________

Late that night, at a massage parlor:

"Plagg, as Guardian of the Miracle Box I command you to give me a report on Chat Noir."

Plagg felt the chains on his magic tighten as the compulsion to obey swept through him. He couldn't have just asked nicely. Bastard.


	9. Just Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When looking for a new role model the rich kids make some... interesting decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one day I was cruising YouTube and I watched the music video for Narcissistic Cannibal by KoRn and my first thought was "Hey, that guy looks like sweatpants Jagged Stone" so that's what I imagine his music sounds like.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUOlc_j4rMA&list=RDCUOlc_j4rMA&start_radio=1
> 
> also while outlining future chapters I realized I would have to up my rating. Blame Lila.

Chloe had been having a lovely day up till this point. The hotel had just signed a contract with a local greenhouse so she got the freshest of berries with her breakfast. Sabrina had found an audiobook of their next literature project where the narrator didn't sound dull as bricks. Kittify had a podcast about familiars and their place in sympathetic magic. And tonight was anime night, a time for friends and relaxation.

Adrien burst through the door with the force of a freight train, the well oiled hinges swung the heavy wood into the wall where the brass engraved handle was dented and a hole was punched in the decorative plasterwork. Chloe screamed and flung her nail bag into the air. Bottles of brightly colored polish rained on the couch and rolled across the floor. He didn't seem to notice.

"CHLOE! I just learned something important and I'm kinda flipping out!"

Sadly the list of things this might be about was too long for anyone to guess. "What the actual hell Adrien?"

"I'm not a freak!" Sunshine continued, somehow managing to look manic and adorably handsome at the same time. Unfair.

"The only freaky thing going on here is what you just did to my wall." She was shouting now but let's be honest that's normal. "My room is going to smell like construction work for weeks while they fix that."

Adrien was almost shouting too, which was not normal. "I think I might be Autistic."

“Well of course you are, now stop wrecking my room!”

"I…" he paused and stared at her, jaw gaping. "Wait, you knew?!"

Chloe froze at that. "You didn't?" She had always assumed that he just didn't like to mention it but she was sure that he at least knew. Hadn't he? "Didn't the doctor or psychologist or whatever tell you anything?"

He threw up his arms. "I'm not even vaccinated! Why would my father take me to a doctor if I'm not actively dying?"

Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose. He was right. Faking the vaccination papers to enroll him in school had been a pain and of course Uncle Gabe wouldn't… wait a sec. Chloe started to giggle, soon it evolved into a loud laugh.

"Um, Chlo?" asked Adrien hesitantly. 

"It's just hahahaha you *snort* not vaccinated, have autism" she dissolved in laughter again.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He was missing something again wasn’t he.

Chloe wiped an imaginary tear. "Haaa, oh my god. Pull up the documentary channel Adrikins, you have a bastard to learn about."

👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑👑

It was one week after Adrien had learned the word Autism and the sleep deprivation from late (all) night research was starting to make him look feral. While Plagg approved his father must've noticed cause Nathalie gave him a new hair gel called ‘Stress Smoother’. It didn't work very well.

He had just walked out a second shower some indeterminate time after midnight when he saw Plagg laying on his keyboard. “So are you planning on actual sleep tonight or are you going to do more useless research?”

“It is not useless,” he threw back as he dried his hair. “I’ve learned a lot.” He paused to sniff his towel. Damn, it still smelled weird. He was throwing that bottle out.

“It’s useless if you’re not finding what you're looking for.” His kwamii still hadn’t moved from the keyboard so Adrien flopped onto his bed instead. 

Adrien started a sigh that turned into a yawn. "I don't understand what that's supposed to mean Plagg ." He pulled up a news feed on his phone to check for any akuma. Let’s see;  
Blogger Charity Event for Senior Pet Adoption,  
Paris School Board Enacts New Counselling Guidelines,  
Home of Jagged Stone Burns to the Ground Hours After He Announces Upcoming Album ‘Just Like Me’, is About His Autism,  
10 Late Winter Recipes To Warm Your Table.

Adrien sat up as he scrolled back to what had caught his eye. Plagg was still berating his very scientific research “... like a science report, you’re better off talking to a real person. Or better yet, stop worrying so much about the whole thing and become a cheese connoisseur like me. Cheese will never judge you.”

“You know what Plagg? I think I will.” He was already pressing call on his phone, only one person could help him pull off something this crazy.

“I knew you’d see it my way kid. We should start by ordering that cheese that's aged in used wine barrels.”

He heard the click of an answered phone, “Chloe!”

“Adrikins,” her voice was low and cold, “If someone is not actively dying right now, I am going to kill you.” Whoops. He had forgotten how late it was.

🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿

Adrien was only a tiny bit intimidated by just how quickly Chloe and Sabrina could make things happen. Plan A of ‘Have Adrien talk to Jagged Stone’ was ready to go within 24 hours.

Plan A  
"Weren't we supposed to be going to a fire station for the work experience field trip?" Adrien asked though a yawn. He had been looking forward to that. He maybe had some mild plans to troll any firefighters he recognized from being Chat Noir.

“They were having some plumbing issues today." Chloe was doodling on a notepad to make it look like she was writing. "It’s a good thing Daddy was so generous and offered the hotel for us last minute."

Adrien, as he often was around Chloe, was suspicious. "How did you get it approved last night if the plumbing broke down today then? Actually, nevermind. I don't think I want to know."

Soon the rest of their classmates had left the lobby for their own tasks. There was a receptionist who was supposed to be watching them but she was engrossed in a phone with a screaming american named Mrs. Karen. 

"It's almost showtime Adrikins." Chloe pulled out a flow chart made of drawings. "Jagged is scheduled to check into his suite in about," she paused to check her watch, "20 minutes. When you're doing that you say?"

The first part was easy, he didn't even need to check his conversation tree. "I’m Autistic too and your new album is already an inspiration to me. I can't wait to hear it."

"Perfect. And if he says something about you being just a kid?"

"I just mention that we're doing a work study program today."

Chloe hummed and tapped his note book. "Add a reassurance that all his paperwork will still be done correctly. We are trying to be professional after all." Chloe waited for him to finish writing before going on. "And if he asks you if you want an autograph?"

Together they went through Adrien's conversation tree till all the most likely branches had been covered. And if things went off the tree Chloe was here to help.

Things went off the tree almost as soon as the rockstar entered the hotel. Between the mayor not recognizing him as a paying customer, security tossing out the level 5 superfan, and Chloe becoming a flustered mess when facing the magenta haired assistant, everyone agreed that making a move now would be bad.

"He's too upset right now. But don't worry Adrikins, I have a plan B"

Plan B  
Chloe turned to the receptionist who had smoothed the paperwork over. "Madame Blanche?"

The elderly woman with impeccable winged eyeliner turned in her plush swivel chair. “In an hour and a half or so a representative from a company who specializes in cleaning leather and costume pieces will be dropping by for Mr. Stones laundry. We can have Mr. Agrest escort them up.”

Just then they all noticed a person who had the painfully garish look of an akuma waltzing across the lobby. “Well shit,” Chloe said as she grabbed Adrien by the shoulder and shoved him under the desk. Madame Blanche simply signed off her computer and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. “You go… somewhere. I’m going to distract them.”

Adrien watched with a mix of pride and horror as his oldest friend walked straight up to an akuma posed for them. He wished the other kids at school could get the chance to see her like this.

📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸📸

Chat Noir yawned as he watched Ladybug debrief the police officers. The many nights of sleep deprivation were finally catching up with him. He was also a tad frustrated. Jagged Stone was right there. Right there was a person who could tell him the things about himself he needed to know. But he was Chat Noir right now and there was nothing he could. Chat leaned his head against the rim of the empty fountain top he was lounging in. The stone was warm from the sun and before he knew it he had drifted off to sleep.

💤💤💤💤💤💤💤💤💤

Plan C  
Adrien Agrest had a secret. It wasn’t as dangerous a secret as being Chat Noir was, but the importance of his father never finding out was equally as great. It was a secret that he guarded so closely that he had even lied to Nino about it. In hindsight, that was a mistake. Adrien didn’t know what karmic sin he had made in order for life to bite him like this, but can he just say that he was sorry for whatever it was?

Adrien was terrible at Mandarin Chinese.

Until today, the only people who knew this were his tutor and, more recently, Plagg. After Mr. Lee found out that every time his student failed a test badly he was locked in his room for a week with no computer, TV, or phone, the kind man had started lying about his scores to his father. Gabriel thought his son was almost fluent in mandarin. Nathalie thought he was almost fluent in mandarin. In fear of word getting back to his father, his friends at school thought he was fluent in mandarin chinese. More specifically, Nino had told his girlfriend Alya that he knew mandarin, who sent him to Marinette’s house to act as a translator. 

That was how Adrien got to where he was now. Trapped in a circle of awkward hell between Mari, her Uncle Cheng, and the actual translator that the hotel had hired for the event.The longer the conversation lasted, the more apparent it became to him that he was even worse at mandarin than he thought. The translator looked like she was in pain. The two relatives had switched to an amalgamation of English, Mandarin, and very choppy Wenzhounese at this point as that apparently worked better than a sweaty, nervous, white boy.

Somehow it got worse when Uncle Cheng asked the translator to say something to Marinette in Wenzhounese that made her blush like a tomato. Then he said something to the translator, (whose name Adrien couldn’t remember in his continuous panic), that made her turn to him and Mari and call them both cute. Which, yes, Marinette was cute but where did that come from?

Distracted as he was, Adrien missed Chloe’s signal that she had created a diversion and that it was time for them to move. It was moot anyway, since she had also caused an akuma. But Adrien was forced to admit that it was his fault that Plan C failed too.

🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵🍵

Plan D  
Even if Princess Fragrance hadn’t attacked that day, it was still a bust since Jagged stone hadn’t come to the event. In fact he wasn’t even in the hotel, he had been touring a listing with his real estate agent. They were running out of time. 

Meeting Prince Ali had been pretty cool though.

Plan E  
Chloe finally got them a personal meeting scheduled only for Jagged himself to get akumatized. It was starting to feel like an entity of bad luck was haunting them.

Plan F  
Marinette had been having a lovely day up till this point. She had a wonderful dream where Adrien was petting Chat Noir’s ears and calling him a pretty kitty while she used them both as mannequins to drape fabric on. She woke up on time and managed to have a real breakfast of crepes with fresh kumquats and chocolate milk, not just a croissant on the run. Her album cover for Jagged Stone was on the news. And best of all, it was one of the first warm, spring feeling days of the year. She hadn’t felt so relaxed in weeks.

So it was a little jarring to find herself suddenly trapped in an alcove facing an irate looking Chloe. How she got here was a bit of a blur. Maybe it involved a nail polish bottle, a cat poster, and a pair of lacrosse players who were known to hang around the heiress. The how was not really important at this point. Marinette narrowed her eyes, “Why?”

Frustratingly, the blond wasn’t even looking at her, choosing instead to inspect her nails.“Are you still in contact with Jagged Stone?”

“This is about that?!” The public release of her work with the rockstar had only aired 10 minutes ago. Marinette was never going to admit that she was just a tiny bit intimidated at how fast Sabrina threw this kidnapping together.

Chloe plowed on as if she hadn’t heard her. Who knows, maybe she didn’t. “I’ve been trying for weeks to give my Adrikins the chance to meet his all time favorite rockstar, but Daddy’s hotel has a very strict policy on harassing patrons, and everytime I try to set something up there’s an akuma. I swear Hawkmoth has the worst timing ever. It’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!”

Marinette wanted to add that most of those akuma’s had been her own fault. Though admittedly, this did explain a lot of the resident rich kid’s behavior over the past few weeks, like why Adrien would volunteer to be a translator for a language he barely spoke. (He'd been so embarrassed that she had sworn herself to secrecy on the subject)

“Sooo,” the heroine in disguise began, “You want me to help you two meet Jagged then?”

“Not the two of us, just you and Adrien. They’re more likely to let him in that way.”

And Marinette was actually, begrudgingly, impressed with that. She would have been sure that Chloe would never have been willing to let go of the chance to meet a celebrity like this, yet here she was giving it up without a thought so that Adrien could meet his idol. She was reminded of Nino’s new untouchable status at school. Chloe had also pulled back on her verbal attacks on Marinette, she hadn’t heard a single racial slur, fat comment, or slut shame from the blond all year. Of course micro-aggressions still flowed off her like water but the change was still very noticeable.

Marinette’s decision was made the instant that she knew it was for Adrien, but now she could do it with a teeny, tiny bit of respect for her school nemesis. “Me and my parents are going to meet Jagged and his assistant about underage copyrights after school today, Adrien can come with us then.”

“Perfect.” There was no thank you but she honestly hadn’t expected one. “Sabrina. Take care of the details and text them to Adrikins.”

Uhhg, and now that respect was gone.

🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞🐞

The notes of one Adrien Agrest from his meeting with Jagged Stone, Autistic Icon:

“Coming out to friends as Autistic is like coming out as gay. Take your time and don’t do it for someone else. Traumatizing as hell it is. I remember one time me Mum…”

“Yeah, some people like being called Aspie, some hate it, both are rockin’. But call me that and I’ll have Fang eat yer balls!”

“What do ya mean you’re not allowed on social media? Does your old man live in the 19th century? What a travesty! Penny! Get me a laptop! We’re giving this kid a Reddit account!”

None of the humans present could have predicted the future chaos that teaching this child about social media would bring.  
_________________

Meanwhile at a massage parlor:

The kwamii of the black cat could not be trusted. 

Master Fu may have not been able to finish his training at the temple, but he did know just how many extra spells had to be cast on the creature before it could be controlled. It was dangerous. So he had decided to do some research of his own and had found people who could help him navigate this unexpected development.

Autism Speaks.


End file.
